As you could probably see by the title, this blog post is going to get a little bit personal. I’ve been so up and down about whether I should post personal posts on here, but I figured I might as well share my experience as it could help someone else out at the same time.
I think one of the hardest things us humans will admit, is that some of the people we are surrounded with are actually toxic to our physical and mental health. We sometimes don’t want to admit it to ourselves as they could easily be a loved one, friend, co-worker or family member, but it’s so important to realise who’s good for you and who’s not.
I struggled with this for so many years, I found it so hard to let go of so many toxic people. And because of this, I struggled with a lot of insecurity, anxiety and even depression. I was with a person for almost 3 years, I knew they were so toxic to me but for some stupid reason I couldn’t let go. All because I thought that I would have nothing without them. I was so completely wrong, I was surrounded with so many lovely friends and family who were always talking to me about how this person didn’t mean anything to me, but I just couldn’t listen to it. It didn’t take me until they went and cheated on me and me finding about all the lies they told me, that I realised they didn’t mean SHIT! I dropped them instantly. I felt so happy, so free, so… HAPPY! That’s a feeling I hadn’t felt in so long, I finally was able to be myself without being judged and I was able to hang out with my friends all the time without being told off.
This person told me they didn’t like seeing me without makeup, seeing me with my natural curls (which i embrace the shit out of!) and told me I wasn’t skinny enough. But I walked out of that toxic relationship instantly with no regret.
I would be always so scared to even eat around this person as I thought they would think I was fat. And because of this I still sometimes struggle with my eating, it’s one of those things that have affected me both mentally and physically but I’m still getting there.
From that day on, I was very cautious of who I was hanging out with and associating myself with. I had finally found a new happiness and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me. I hung out with a fairly small group of friends each day, we were all pretty close. One person of the group in particular was very judgemental, and LOVED to argue with others. I had already thought for months of cutting this person off as they had made me feel so insecure, but I decided to give them one last chance. It wasn’t until she was so rude about another close friend of mines beliefs and religion, that I decided to cut all ties. I didn’t speak to her again, sure she tried so many times to rekindle our friendship but I was beyond done. I mean who in the world wants a friend that says this kind of stuff to you? I even came to school a few days to hearing rumours of her telling people that ‘I ruined her reputation’.
“Of course, you’d wear something the same as me out of all days.”
“You look really fat in that photo, what were you thinking”
“Why would you want to study that? It’s not going to get you anywhere”
Even the whole.. “I think I’m a lot more experienced in makeup than you” when they couldn’t even blend their eyeshadow, eh wat?
One thing I can’t stand, is when other people think they are so much better than everyone else.
Trust me, after these two toxic people left my life. I felt so much happier. I wore whatever I wanted to wear, I hung out with whoever I wanted to be with and I explored more than I did throughout my whole teenage years. I know that a lot of people will be able to relate to what I went through in high school, so I guess that’s what made me want to write about it!
At the end of the day, you need to put yourself as your first priority. Don’t worry about anyone who is making you feel like you aren’t one at all. You are all beautiful human beings who deserve LOVE and to feel beautiful inside and out, and to of course be whoever you want to be!
I am definitely a different person than who I was 3 years ago, and I am so happy with who I am today. I am confident, I am inlove with someone who makes me feel beautiful everyday, and I am surrounded by such loving friends and family who support me one hundred percent! I am proud of where I am today, I have succeeded so much in just a little timespan of 2 years. And I can definitely say I have learnt ALOT!
If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me!